“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience."
– Eleanor Roosevelt
A year and a half ago I wasn’t in the greatest place. So much so, that I began to lose my hair. I lived in fear and let it control me at every turn.
Fear of what other people would think of my decisions. Fear of making the wrong choices. Fear of disappointing God, myself, and others. I didn’t know what I really wanted or where to go. I only knew that I couldn’t remain in the spot where I was and that forward, whatever that was or whatever it meant or looked like, had to be better than where I was.
I finally decided to run at my fears and face them as boldly as I could; head on. Running from everything only lead to greater pain. Holding on to what shouldn’t be…what couldn’t be…was cowardly and harmful. I had to do something and I needed to stop settling.
Because when we let pain and hardship happen in vein, then the devil wins. And I like to win, soooo I decided to refuse to let that happen.
That section of hair has since been growing back and today it was finally long enough to stay in a braid. IT. STAYED. IN. A. BRAID. It may seem small but to me…this was significant. Tears of joy significant. There is healing. There is growth. GOD IS WORKING.
It shows growth, healing, and the amazing grace of God. How he chose someone like me who was so broken and has been taking me to a place of deeply rooted healing... strengthening me and equipping me. My God is The Healer. What I’m learning about healing is that it is not always physical and is not only within the confinements of an instant miracle. It’s a process filled with love…and patience.
In Exodus chapter 23 God is talking to the Israelites about their enemies and He says in verses 29 and 30, “I will not drive them out before you in one year, lest the land become desolate and the wild beasts multiply against you. Little by little I will drive them out from before you, until you have increased and possess the land.”
So often I’ve prayed that God would just show me all that it is within myself that I don’t understand. Every part of my soul that I’ve let the world hurt and why my anxiety can be so bad at times. I wanted an answer. I wanted it in full, immediately and for instant healing. Because I thought well, then and only then, can God really use me. The Israelites wanted immediate deliverance but God’s plan was greater. So often, the same goes for us.
God has been making me aware of areas of my life that I never knew were hurt. He’s been doing so slowly, in doses that I can handle. He is slowly revealing to me the parts of my mind, heart, and soul that desperately need His mercy and deliverance. Sometimes our enemies are found within ourselves… in the pain and issues that we cling to… in the fear that letting them go will be too hard or that maybe it won’t lead to the freedom that we long for. But by facing these fears, little by little, He is calling my enemies and my struggles to my attention. Fighting these battles with me, one by one. His timing is perfect, and He knows when I am ready and is helping me with these struggles so that one day I may possess all that He has planned for me.
What satan intended to use to destroy me, God is using to bring me into a depth of His grace and love that I could have never fathomed. And I know that this is only the beginning.
I stopped becoming afraid of what I might lose, and became expectant and excited for what can be gained. I ran forward to discover the courage and strength that can only be found in Jesus.
If fear of what you may lose is holding you back today, I encourage you to face those fears. It just may change your life. It did mine.